Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
