Im at strip club and am horny
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
