Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
