i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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