This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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