There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
