How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
