When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
