I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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