Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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