i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
