Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize