Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
