Jerry, you need to find god
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize