the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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