YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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