A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
