This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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