hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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