how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
