I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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