And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish I only lived at night.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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