in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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