I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
