I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
