After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
