I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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