I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
