this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
