i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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