the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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