When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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