If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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