Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize