she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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