i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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