she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
