4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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