I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
