If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
