I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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