I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize