I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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