You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
