My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
