she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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