I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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