508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
