I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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