She's JV to your varsity
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
