Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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