I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
