Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
