The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
