his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
