I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
