Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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