My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
