I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
