you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
