He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
