I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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