He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
