is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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