i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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