it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
