Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
